Text Messages of the Apocalypse

I got a text from Tampa as the hurricane approaches
The biggest ever seen
We’re seeking higher ground here, how are you out west
In the land of the evergreens?
I got a cloth upon my face, hibernating in place
As the ash falls all around
But at least I’m in the northwest, breathing smoke from all the fires
Instead of the in the southeast being drowned

The President is speaking in North Dakota
Where all the crops have just failed
He said isn’t it great, the pipeline is finished
We can keep mining and burning all the shale
He said we’ll be OK as he sweltered in the heat
Standing on the parched and arid ground
While I’m in the northwest, breathing smoke from all the fires
Instead of the in the southeast being drowned

How’s the apocalypse treating you
That’s how you greet your neighbors these days
Has your home been flooded, have your forests burned up
Can you see as you drive through the haze?
Come visit if you can, Jill – might be nicer here than Tampa
We can take a walk and listen to the crackling sound
Here in the northwest, breathing smoke from all the fires
Instead of the in the southeast being drowned